Rating:

When she wakes up in the hospital, she expresses her disappointment: ''I was gonna be a stand-up comedian!”

Welcome to the insane, twisted, uproarious world of ''Grindhouse,” in which directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez re-create grade-z exploitation movies from the 1970s and package them as a double feature, complete with coming attractions for other lowbrow fare. In doing so, they create three-plus hours of viewing that is wildly entertaining in its awfulness. They purposely have scratches and skips in the footage, even missing reels, just like you used to find on screens at drive-ins specializing in movies about cars, guns, scantily clad girls - and the occasional monster.

Rodriguez's contribution is ''Planet Terror,” a zombie movie that, like most zombie movies, is bloody and gory and gross. When, for instance, a character says one of the zombie's victims ''looks like a no-brainer,” he isn't kidding. Ewww! Rose McGowan plays Cherry, whose leg is replaced by a machine gun (you've gotta see it to believe it), and Freddie Rodriguez is her old boyfriend, a rebel named Wray.

Tarantino's film, second on the bill, is ''Death Proof,” an action-packed thriller starring Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike, a scar-faced psycho who gets his kicks killing women with his car. Among his potential victims: McGowan (as a different character from Cherry), Rosario Dawson, Sydney Tamiia Poitier (daughter of Sidney).

Both films are fast-paced and fun, but Tarantino's gets the edge for its twists and thrills.

And there's more: ''Grindhouse” features four hilarious fake movie trailers by different directors - Rodriguez's ''Machete,” featuring a Rambo-type Mexican hero; Rob Zombie's ''Werewolf Women of the S.S.” (the title says it all); Edgar Wright's ''Don't Scream” (which warns anyone thinking of doing anything in this movie - opening a door, whatever: Don't!); and Eli Roth's ''Thanksgiving” (''This year there will be no leftovers!”). (If you don't recognize the names: Shock rocker Zombie is responsible for ''The Devil's Rejects,” Wright made ''Shaun of the Dead,” and Roth directed ''Hostel.”)

Don't be surprised if you walk out of ''Grindhouse” asking yourself: How can something so bad be so good?

Tim Miller is the Times' entertainment editor. He can be reached at 508-862-1140 or tmiller@capecodonline.com

RATING SCALE: Four stars (best) to bomb (worst)
RATING: R (for strong, graphic bloody violence and gore, pervasive language, some sexuality, nudity and drug use)
RUNNING TIME: 191 minutes